Secrets of Stylish Women

Groomed for success … Jacqueline Kennedy in Oleg Cassini on India’s Lake Pichola.

I interviewed Carla Zampatti last week and she answered the door wearing an immaculate black jumpsuit, a marabou feather bolero, knotted gold belt and velvet flat shoes. She was perfection. Elegant, restrained and polished. Carla is the genuine article – forever chic – and she made me realise how all the stylish women I’ve interviewed – from stylists to supermodels to politicians – all share a similar set of principles when it comes to getting dressed. Here are the top five lessons we can learn from the wardrobes of stylish women.

1.LESS IS ALWAYS MORE
This is the oldest chestnut in the style book but there’s a reason for that. Restraint is the single most important element in the personal style equation. Why? Control means that you have considered your outfit and consideration is self-editing. Thinking about your look from head to toe will always result in a better, sleeker, more uniform outcome. An great outfit starts in your head but often needs a little tweaking once on the body. Switch a top, lose a bracelet – all the little tricks stylists perform on models, stylish women perform on themselves. Gwyneth at this year’s Oscars was a text book example of restraint. No big hair, no coloured lips, no necklace, no earrings – she shone in her simplicity. You remember Gwyneth, not the frock, and that’s what you want to achieve every day. Try it tomorrow: plan your outfit before you get dressed; stand in front of the mirror and critically examine how it looks. What can come off? Be honest. There will be always be at least one piece you can remove. You’ll be amazed at the impact taking something away makes to the overall look.

2.EFFORT EQUALS ELEGANCE
Jennifer Aniston is the poster girl for good grooming. She always looks effortlessly natural and that’s because she never misses a beauty appointment. Stylish women never drop their standards when it comes to self-maintenance. It’s little details that will make you look pulled together. If your hair is done (and by done, I mean washed and brushed), your eyebrows are plucked, nails are polished – then all the rest falls into place.  You can wear an amazing dress but it won’t look any good next to chipped polish or split ends. This same kind of care should go for your clothes too. Look after them – no scuffed shoes, pulls in jumpers or dropped hems. Finish is everything.

3.TRENDS FADE FAST
Style can be innate but it can also be learned. Developing a signature style means understanding what look suits and flatters you no matter what else is going on in the fashion sphere.  Jackie Kennedy Onassis wore a classic shift dress for three decades modernising it with subtle shifts in accessories, cut and print.  Truly stylish women are their own best stylists and always choose clothes that match ‘who they are’ instead of copying a look from a magazine. Finding your style confidence is important and can be very freeing – once you know what works, you don’t have to look anymore and can develop a true signature.

4. FIT IS EVERYTHING
Style is not about size but about the way clothes fit your body. A beautifully cut dress or tailored blazer can change the way you look in clothes – exhibit Adele in Giorgio Armani at the Grammys. Too often women choose ill-fitting clothes out of insecurity. This means exercising discipline when you shop – stop buying pieces that are too big or too small for you. Accept and embrace the shape you have and then work on what flatters you the most. Spending a little bit extra on quality and cut goes a long way to improving the end result. It is better to have fewer good things and wear them well than lots of pieces that don’t work.

5. BRAVERY IS STYLE
Even classicists take little risks with their wardrobe. The mark of a great dresser is wearing something that is just ever so slightly out of place. Something quirky or unexpected that makes the whole outfit perfect and special. Keeping things simple doesn’t mean keeping it boring. Remember when Sharon Stone wore her husband’s white shirt to the Oscars with a ball skirt? It’s that kind of thinking that you want to achieve. Diamonds with a t-shirt, denim with pearls, sneakers with a suit – push yourself to find new ways of putting your look together.

Paula Joye is Editor of http://www.lifestyled.com.au

 

Top 10 Winter Fashion Trends

 

Veronica Main Green Jacket

Such is life on planet fashion that as next summer’s hot trends are being showcased now on the runways at Australian Fashion Week, back in the real world, with the mercury dropping daily, we’re busy planning our winter wardrobes.

Consider this your official winter wish list.

LACE: One of winter’s chicest trends, look to lace blouses and mini-dresses for a glam look by day or night.  This season however lovely lace doesn’t just come in traditional black – or navy for that matter – but pale shades like cream and white and the prettiest pastels – icy blue, mint green, yellow and fairy floss (al la Louis Vuitton’s stunning Autumn/Winter 2012 collection).

LUXE LEATHER: Call it the Lisbeth Salander effect but tough leather – and lots of it – is set to rock the winter radar.  Work the look in black, or go for luxe shades of chocolate and tan.  A leather motorbike jacket, leggings (go on be brave we spied a hot pair at Sass & Bide), a chic ¾ skirt (the new length), or even a leather shift dress (thank you Celine) will give you serious fashion cred.

EMERALD CITY: Making for a glamorous jewelled statement is the shade of the season – emerald green.  Livening up the winter landscape, a bold shot of Emerald courtesy of a tailored jacket, trench coat, satin shirt, or any all-out frock screams on trend. I couldn’t resist this beautiful green jacket from Veronica Maine – and it wasn’t expensive either!

COLOUR POP: It’s no secret classic shades of black, grey and brown prevail in winter, but no wardrobe is complete without the necessary pop of colour. Brighten up your outfit instantly – and avoid overkill – with the help of a poppy bright scarf – go sunny yellow, bright orange, hot pink or green. Rainbow coloured jeans – think red, cobalt, orange and pink (still going strong for winter) will also help you fly the flag for colour.

IN THE TRENCHES: What woman doesn’t covet a classic like a Burberry trench in enduring camel?  A can’t-live-without winter staple – whether you cover up with a fashion favourite trench, a tailored jacket, a cute pea or a sexy swing coat, there’s only one colour – camel. Another irresistable piece for me – a camel trench raincoat from Taylor.

IT BAG: Touting a summer bag won’t do in winter, but there is more to life than boring black. This season embrace the latest twist on noir and opt for a rich chocolate or sultry grey. As for the shape? Structured without being stiff is where it’s at.  Take inspiration from the likes of Prada, Jerome Dreyfuss and Givenchy but be savvy and shop it on the high street.

ANKLE BOOT: As they love to say on planet fashion if you only buy one thing this winter make sure it’s … an ankle boot. Practical but with a fashion forward edge, look for your bootie in luxe leather or chic suede (black or tan is the way to go – or why not both?). A hint of a heel (wooden will break things up) is seriously chic. Oh and in case you’ve missed it, the other boot to covet right now is the posh gumboot (yep really!). Look to brands like Hunter and Burberry or head to your local Bunning’s to pick up the real deal. And yes you can wear them with your skinny jeans and a chic blazer anywhere.

SHAPE UP:  One of the most exciting – and sexy – silhouettes to emerge for this season is the peplum.  Not to be feared, this new incarnation is an ever so subtle detail on dresses, jackets and skirt and top sets.  Big on impact, but totally wearable even the Duchess of Cambridge has adopted the look– and when it comes to style wherever Kate treads the rest of us will be sure to follow.

COZY KNIT: It wouldn’t be winter without beautiful knitwear. Moving on from the bulky boyfriend styles, this season knit comes long and streamlined. Look to luxe yarns like cashmere and merino and consider a long cardigan a great alternative to a tailored jacket.  Or add a take you anywhere knit dress to your wardrobe.

CAMOUFLAGE: Consider army accents your canvas when creating your winter wardrobe.  Army greens, khaki, camel, brown and grey are the key shades for basics like slouchy pants, cargo and cropped jackets, while military inspired pieces – think satchels, pea coats, belts, boots and accessories like sunglasses will help you win the war on fashion.

 

Boomers Buying Food for Parents, Cars for Kids

A recent article caught my attention.  Eve Tahmincioglu stated, “Baby Boomers have a lot of bills to pay these days. Most of those bills aren’t theirs.”

Rae – wisanow

I know I was caught in this situation. Paying a mortgage so my Mother could live in a safe, warm environment while setting my children up on their road to adulthood.  I would certainly have more now for my retirement years had I not felt it my responsibility to look after my Mother when my Father died.

Friends are paying medical bills, flights for their parents to visit and replacing appliances their parents can’t afford on their pensions.  I also know it wasn’t this way for my parents.  They didn’t support aged parents or my sister and I from the moment we left home. Nor was there any expectation that they would. Perhaps the pension covered all living expenses for my grandparents in those days or they simply did not live as long.  But the fact is, many 50 – 70 year old boomers are providing for more than one generation to the detriment of their retirement savings. 

Many parents are helping their children with money towards their first home deposits, helping to pay bills, student loans and as Geraldine and I have already discussed on ‘Good Morning’, taking their adult children back into their homes to help defray expenses while they recover from a myriad of life’s dramas.

Is it this way around the world?  Apparently.

Eve’s article goes on to say- They’re helping to pay medical and utility bills for their aging parents, and even buying groceries for their moms and dads. And on the flip side, they’re chipping in for everything from car insurance to rent payments for adult kids they thought flew the nest.

All these handouts are creating uncertainty among the boomers about what the future holds for their own financial well-being, according to a report by Ameriprise Financial released this week.

The study, titled “Money Across Generations,” surveyed more than 1,000 affluent boomers, 300 parents of boomers, and 300 children of boomers, at least 18 years old, by telephone, and found tougher economic times all around for every generation. But the Baby Boom generation of about 77 million and born roughly between 1946 to 1964 is stuck between a family rock and an economic hard place.

“Boomers are feeling the pressure financially and emotionally,” said Suzanna de Baca, vice president of wealth strategies at Ameriprise Financial. “In many cases they’re sandwiched between children who are unemployed or struggling to pay down their student loan debt and aging parents who are facing complex health and financial issues. At the same time, they’re trying to prepare for their own retirement.”

About a quarter of boomers surveyed said they were saving for retirement, compared to 44 percent who were doing that in 2007, the last time this poll was taken.

And  because of the financial pull from both parents and kids, twice as many boomers are focusing on clinging to the retirement funds they already have, up from 12 percent in 2007.

“Family and personal values are important when making any kind of decision, but it can be difficult to prioritize our family members’ needs against our own,” de Baca said. “Unfortunately, unconditional financial support can threaten or even sabotage retirement goals and security. It’s important to have open conversations with your family about your current financial situation and evaluate your ability to meet your own goals before offering any kind of support.”

Here are some more findings from the study on what boomers are doling out:
• 58 percent of boomers reported helping parents in some way with purchasing groceries (22 percent) or paying medical expenses (15 percent) and utility bills (14 percent).
• 93 percent said they provided financial support for their adult kids, including college tuition or loans (71 percent), allowed them to move home and live rent-free (55 percent) or helped them buy a car (53 percent) and auto insurance (45 percent).
• 34 percent said providing financial assistance to their kids has slowed down their contributions to retirement savings, and 10 percent said aiding parents is keeping them from squirreling away.

While most boomers don’t regret backing their adult kids financially, they’re not sure all this financial handholding has helped their offspring prepare for the future. Nearly half of those polled said, “they worry that their children do not understand what it takes financially to prepare for retirement, and 35 percent express concern that their children have not learned responsibility when it comes to money.”

Is it time to cut the kids off?

Are you having Emotional Sex?

Infidelity and Emotional Sex: How to Tell if You’re Chatting or Cheating

Sheri Meyer
AUTHOR: “Chatting or Cheating:
How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and
Affair-Proof Your Relationship”

It all starts innocently enough.
You become friends with the sexy co-worker and decide to carpool to work together. You become “friends” with an ex on Facebook and reminisce about the past. Pretty soon, you find yourself glowing every time you spend time with this person. They totally “get” you. You can talk about anything. You spend hours thinking about them and your heart races whenever you see a text from them. You feel more alive than you have in a long time. 

There’s just one small problem. You’re married, or engaged, or you’re in a committed relationship. You tell yourself it’s ok because you’re not really cheating, you’re just chatting. You’re not having sex, you’re just friends. Right?

Not really. Okay, so you haven’t had sex. At least not yet. But you are having emotional sex, and that can be even more intense, sensual and all-consuming than physical sex.

What is emotional sex?
Emotional sex is a friendship that escalates into something that feels the same as romantic love and can manifest itself in numerous ways — physically, romantically, emotionally, lustfully, verbally, or virtually.  Friendship becomes emotional sex when the feel-good brain chemicals and hormones that are released when even thinking about that person take over. Any contact with the person becomes as potent as a drug addiction.

All those tingly feelings and the fantasies that perhaps a “perfect love” can really exist isn’t destiny knocking — they’re caused by “love chemicals” in your brain. Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her. This is especially true of women who produce higher levels of oxytocin — the bonding hormone that enhances the feeling of having found your “soul mate” connection.

These addictive love chemicals feel so good that it’s difficult for you to even imagine ending contact with your friend. Your connection feels genuine and even life-sustaining. Letting go of such intoxicating nourishment seems unimaginable.
Before you are tempted to do something risky — like leave your stable, good relationship for your exciting emotional lover — it’s important to examine what’s really going on.

Has Your Platonic Friendship Crossed the Line?
There’s a huge difference between a platonic friendship and a friendship that has crossed the line into the emotional sex danger zone.

A platonic friendship doesn’t have elements of sexual chemistry or attraction. You may love your friend, but you don’t fantasize or daydream about him or her. Everything is out in the open. Your partner can join in at any time.

In contrast, emotional sex is much more secretive and it drains energy from your primary relationship. If you’re having intimate talks and sharing things you should only be sharing with your primary partner, or you’re sending late night ‘just thinking of you’ flirty texts, you’re not having just an innocent friendship. If you find yourself having sexual or romantic fantasies about your friend, you’ve crossed the line into emotional sex. You may argue you’re just Facebook friends, or you’re just innocently flirting and it means nothing. But no matter how you may rationalize it, these are huge trumpet blaring warning signs that your friendship is crossing the line into emotional sex, and therefore cheating.

The 5 Warning Signs That You’re Vulnerable to Cheating
Infidelity is as old as civilization. But in today’s technology-driven world, meeting, staying connected, and getting intimate has never been easier or more dangerous. Thanks to smartphones and the Internet, your love “fix” is never far away.
In truth, most infidelity occurs not because it is planned, but because people find themselves in situations where their emotions completely overwhelm (and even surprise) them. While people trapped in troubled marriages are more vulnerable to infidelity, I’ve discovered that a surprising number of people in seemingly solid relationships also respond to the novelty of new love and end up getting swept away by an affair.

Having an affair is usually a symptom of an underlying problem in your life and in your relationship. Something is missing, and that missing element makes you vulnerable to temptation. You may turn to emotional intimacy with another to fill in the missing piece.

These are the five warning signs that your relationship is vulnerable to cheating:
1. You feel lonely. You may share the same address but live in two different worlds. You’re spending less time together due to work, the children, or separate interests.

2. Lack of communication. Small issues turn into disagreements and power struggles. You give each other the silent treatment. You may feel under-appreciated, bottled up, or like you’re walking on tiptoes not to rattle any cages.

3. Lack of love, affection and intimacy. Things are feeling pretty dead at home and you find yourself resorting to some stimulation outside your relationship to shake things up.

4. Boredom, complacency and emotional distance. Your relationship has become routine. You long for more emotional or sexual attention from your partner, but it feels like a wall exists between you.

5. A sexual disconnect. You feel more like roommates than lovers. The attention and affection has dwindled, and you no longer see each other through the eyes of desire.

Affairs don’t have to be sexual to be destructive to your existing relationship. Emotional sex can be even more enthralling than physical sex, and it can cause the same havoc, mistrust and betrayal in a relationship as sexual infidelity, often leading to a break-up.

The first step to healing is completely disengaging from your emotional lover, then recognizing the weaknesses in your primary relationship and addressing them immediately. Only then can you bring stable footing to your relationship and start infusing it with the love, attention, appreciation, and affection you and your partner both deserve.

Sheri Meyers, Psy.D is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los
Angeles, CA, and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship. Her compassionate, practical, straight talk and easy-to-apply methods have inspired and helped thousands of men and women face and overcome their most complex and daunting relationship challenges. For more information, please visit http://www.chattingorcheating.com.

 

Happiness Requires a Recipe

If life is full of uncertainties through middle age – then how will I fare in the happiness stakes as I age?

Rae ponders the happiness question.

I struggle daily with the concept of aging.  Not that I mind getting older, just that I see this great chasm between 60 to 90 and wonder whether I shouldn’t be planning my life better.  I keep looking around me seeing so many unhappy or rather unfulfilled people and yet we were born, as baby boomers, into the most affluent period in history.

Questions that keep battering my mind are:

• How long do I keep working
• Will my money last through to 90 plus years if I don’t
• Does older mean happier
• When will I have to truly downsize my living environment
• Will I get dementia as my mother and grandmother did?

After reading Geraldine’s heartfelt post from last week talking about her mother at 95 losing the will to live, and totally understanding their collective positions, I thought it was time to research this subject.I have found the answer for me at least. To passionately build more sandcastles while I can.
Let me explain.Over the past few weeks we have experienced what I would call a very late summer.  Truly glorious autumn weather.  Blue skies, warm temperatures and a lack of rain even though we were threatened with lashings of it by the meteorologists.  This situation bought people outdoors en masse and as it was the school holidays we were fortunate enough to have two sets of gorgeous grandchildren with us at the beach over a short interval.

Out onto the beach we poured at every available opportunity accompanied by so many families and animals.  Faces turned to the sun, splashing in the shallows and building all manner of sandcastles.  Just because we could.  And do you think I even thought about any of the questions above.  No, far too busy living in the moment.  Who wouldn’t be? And, there was no cost related to their construction and no expectation they would last more than a couple of hours.  ie structures needing no past, no future, just a moment in time to enjoy.  Just look at our achievements!

The research:
These age related/retirement questions wouldn’t have arisen before the 20th century as the average life expectancy in the late 1800′s was 62 years of age. Now people are living so much longer there are obviously more decisions to make and as far as I see it, no historically proven advice to assist with these decisions.On researching this subject I happened upon an interesting talk on TED by Laura Cartenson, the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity who states, “more years were added to the average life expectancy in the 20th century than all years added across all prior millenia of human evolution combined. In the blink of an eye we nearly doubled the length of time we are living. – so if at any time you feel you don’t have this aging thing quite licked, don’t kick yourself.  It’s quite new”.In this talk she demonstrates how through the gathering of statistical information they were able, in their opinion, to determine the relative increase in happiness over 64 with only a gradual curve downwards at advanced age.  The ages are rather fuzzy but they go through from 20 to 90 across the bottom of the graph.   And, they claim that at no stage does the emotional quotient deteriorate to the level it was in early adulthood.  Plus the other graph below shows the decrease in relative psychological distress over age 64.  Interesting findings indeed.  Too simplistic maybe?

What do Laura Cartensen and her team attribute this increase in happiness to?

“When we recognize that we don’t have all the time in the world, we see our priorities most clearly.” says Laura Cartensen, plus she says:

Older people are happier because they:

• Live in the moment
• Know what’s important
• Invest in sure things
• Deepen relationships
• Savour life

I had some misgivings as to the relative simplicity of the statistics and statements above.  Firstly, it could be that aged people do not take anti-depressants, therefore did not figure when the statistics for ‘serious psychological distress’ were collated.

I just can’t believe it’s that simple or widespread that older means happier.  I remember asking the doctor at my mothers nursing home about the difficulties experienced with old age and she stated quite categorically that old age wasn’t fun and ‘growing old is not for sissies’.

To further my research I asked my lovely and widely accomplished 75 year friend, Sheila Weinstein, her opinion on the subject of older means happier.

Sheila is passionately involved with the production of the stage adaptation in New York of her book, ‘Moving to the Center of the Bed’, so is not only a busy person who has had to make a number of difficult decisions over the past decade, but one who is willing to share her experiences.  Sheila’s reply, (and I hope she doesn’t mind my repeating it) was:

“The key to aging well, I believe, is being stimulated by having something you are passionate about… and doing it daily, having a group of friends who are close by and with whom you can commiserate regularly, eating well, and being active even with all the physical problems aging presents. It’s not a long recipe but…pithy. It also doesn’t hurt to have a loving partner but for those of us who don’t, we have to find loving substitutes…in friends.“

I understand why Geraldine’s mother is losing the will to live.  She can’t look forward to completing new exciting things daily due to her blindness and lack of ability to perform simple tasks unaided.  Plus, at 95 she is separated from her remaining friends through necessity.

However, it is through people like Geraldine  and Sheila sharing aging experiences, stories and research results from the Laura Cartensens of this world that we will understand how to enjoy fulfilled and happy lives through our advanced years.

My simple conclusion therefore is to simply and passionately build more sandcastles as long as I am able to with people I care for.

My Mother is Losing the Will to Live

Mum with her precious orchid garden

My 95 year old mother is in Caughey Preston Rest Home.  She would still be living alone but lost her sight to Macular Degeneration three years ago and can’t look after herself any longer.  She is very happy at Caughey Preston and is looked after by the most wonderful dedicated, overworked and underpaid people.  Before she lost her sight her life revolved around bowls, cards, black gammon, baking, housie and  watching game shows and the races on TV.  At 92 she still had her drivers’ license and lived alone – a very capable, independent, free spirited woman with all her marbles.  Unfortunately, losing her sight has taken her life away from her and she has not been able to adapt to the change in her circumstances.

When I called in to see her on Saturday morning, she was in the lounge with the other oldies listening to Colin read the paper aloud to them.  As always, she was pleased to see me and of course was thrilled with the flat white coffee and homemade melting moments I had purchased at the Café down the road.  We sat for a while listening to the newspaper being read and then she decided she wanted to go back to her room.

First alarm bell – she couldn’t get off the couch she was sitting on.  For the first time, I had to help her to stand.  I know she’s 95 but she has always been quite strong and robust. However, she is losing her upper arm strength now.  Anyway, we walked down to her room.

Second alarm bell – we were walking very slowly, much more slowly than I had noticed before.

We can’t tell how much sight she has left because she tells us she can’t see a thing and will then tell me what I’m wearing.  We know with Macular Degeneration you only have peripheral vision, which means if she looks to the left or right she can see straight ahead.  Must be very disconcerting her.   She has never come to terms with losing her sight.  She gets angry and resentful that she can’t do the things she loves and I can totally understand that.  She had lots of help from the Foundation for the Blind at first but she point blank refused to learn the skills needed to deal with her blindness.  My mother is a very stubborn and determined woman and in this instance it’s held her back because she has completely refused to accept her disability.  She was never a reader so is not interested in talking books.  She used to listen to the radio but even that seems too difficult for her these days.

Third alarm bell – and this is the biggie!  We were sitting in her room and I had run out of things to say when she turned to me and said “I want to go”.  I instantly knew in my heart that she didn’t mean she wanted to use the bathroom.  She meant she would like to go to sleep and not wake up – ever.  Now, I’m a Catholic and while I don’t go to church any more, I know I was born a Catholic and will die a Catholic.  So I’ve got very definite beliefs on the subject of Euthanasia.  That is, I don’t believe in it.  So, here’s the dilemma.  She doesn’t want to live any more.  She feels completely useless.  As she said to me  she can’t even sew a button on a blouse.  Actually, I found out today, it’s even worse than that because she now can’t feed herself any more.  She has to be fed.  How humiliating for her.

In just 3 years, this beautiful, vibrant, determined woman who has always done everything “her way” all her life, has been reduced to this.  No wonder she doesn’t want to live any more.  I wouldn’t either.  But what can I do about it?  Absolutely nothing, which makes me feel so upset when I leave her.

The one saving grace in all this is that mum is healthy and well so she doesn’t suffer any pain apart from the usual old age issues.  Her doctor assures her she will live to receive a telegram from the Queen.  Right now, she’s not happy about that, because her quality of life has all but disappeared.  Yes, she is safe and well cared for but cannot do any of the things that used to make her happy.

So how do people cope when they have to watch their loved ones suffering the terrible pain of some terminal and not so terminal illnesses? The must find some inner strength from somewhere.  There is nothing worse than watching a loved one in pain and not being able to do anything to alleviate it.

I would never assist Mum to die.  There is absolutely no reason to but I can understand the dilemma of people like Leslie Martin and others who have found the courage to help their loved ones to pass over.  I’m not saying assisted suicide or whatever you want to call it is the right thing to do or is the right decision for everyone, but when I see Mum and know how she feels, I start to wonder whether sometimes medical science goes too far to keep us alive. Mum has told us all she doesn’t want to be resuscitated if anything happens to her so at least we know and can follow her wishes, but I also don’t want to have to be in the position of making that decision either.  I just hope for her sake and ours she quietly goes to sleep one night and doesn’t wake up. I know that’s what she hopes and prays for too.

I admire anyone in the unenviable position of having to care for a loved one and watch them suffer day in and day out.  Who was it who said “Before you pass judgement on another man, walk in his shoes”.  How very true.

Easy & Healthy Weightloss – Avoid the Super Starch

By Rae

Following on from Geraldine’s recent post on ‘Melt Your Muffin Top, I was prompted by personal experience and the publication of a recent book to carry on the discussion on easy, sustainable weight-loss.

In addition, talking with many friends I realise just how prevalent is my intolerance of gluten.  Symptoms amongst people I have spoken with range from an immediate swelling of the gut resembling a fairly advanced pregnancy to a diagnosis of bloating around vital organs.  In one instance, removal of gluten from my husband’s diet resulted in a 2.5kg loss in under a week.  Needless to say he felt better for it. 

I had always thought it extreme to remove gluten from a person’s diet unless medical reasons demanded it.  Say Celiac’s disease.  However, having given up gluten for over a month, apart from a bruschetta lunch which left me feeling as if I was having contractions, I have found it remarkably easy to keep weight off while thoroughly enjoying a varied diet.

This recent article was a snippet from an online more magazine story:

Avoid the Super Starch-

Hidden in the average loaf of bread or bowl of pasta is a super starch called amylopectin A—a dangerous science project that looks like bread but isn’t. It’s in breakfast muffins and bagels, too, regardless of whether they’re made with whole wheat or white flour and is a known blood sugar booster. In fact two slices of whole wheat bread raises your blood sugar more than 2 tablespoons of table sugar. This FrankenWheat has just been on the market for the last 40 years or so, paralleling the rise of obesity and diabetes across the globe and the dramatic increase in celiac disease and gluten sensitivity. If we gave up this super starch, we would reduce not only obesity and diabetes, but cancers, heart attacks, depression, autoimmune disease as well irritable bowel and reflux.

This article had it’s origin from a review of a recently published book:

In THE BLOOD SUGAR SOLUTION, Dr. Mark Hyman reveals that the secret solution to losing weight and preventing not just diabetes but also heart disease, stroke, dementia, and cancer is balanced insulin levels. Dr. Hyman describes the seven keys to achieving wellness-nutrition, hormones, inflammation, digestion, detoxification, energy metabolism, and a calm mind-and explains his revolutionary six-week healthy-living program. With advice on diet, green living, supplements and medication, exercise, and personalizing the plan for optimal results, the book also teaches readers how to maintain lifelong health. Groundbreaking and timely, THE BLOOD SUGAR SOLUTION is the fastest way to lose weight, prevent disease, and feel better than ever.

A word of caution:
I am a little skeptical of books that insist you immediately start on supplements of the author’s choosing or where the regime is just too difficult to fit with one’s lifestyle. Moderation in all things I believe.  And just one thing at a time removed from the daily diet or re-introduced.  Otherwise how will you know what benefits you or doesn’t agree with you.  But, I firmly believe if you have a history of difficulty losing weight and have high blood sugar, then a move away from gluten and to less processed foods can only benefit.

Another point that was raised in various discussions on the subject is that when a person such as a Celiac sufferer replaces all flour based product with gluten free muffins and biscuits etc, there is a tendency to raise blood sugar levels leading to the rise in obesity and type 2 diabetes. Rice flour and sticky white rice are fairly high on the glycemic index, so best to minimise ingestion of the white stuff.  I am anything but a nutritionalist but it works for me to have protein with every meal and less in the way of processed foods.

Kathy M wrote this on Amazon in support of the Blood Sugar Solution book – I was one of the Beta testers and the first word that comes to mind is “transformation”. In 6 weeks I dropped 25 pounds, 6 inches off my waist, A1c from a 6.9 down to a 5.4!

When I received the book I was a little overwhelmed at first wondering how I was going to make all the changes. My advice is to follow the weekly guide and you will have no problems. One week we just thought about the things we were going to do without, the next we cleaned out the cabinets….the actual week we stared the diet the first few days were a little difficult because things were just so different…we had to learn how to eat good, delicious, wholesome foods. After a few days of detoxing we all started feeling better (we were able to be in contact with one another…community really works). I lost 10 lbs the first week…all off my middle which really got me motivated as I had been trying to loose weight for years with no luck. There was no calorie counting and the weight just fell off. Aches and pains just faded away.

If you really want to get yourself back to health and see complete metamorphosis in yourself in a few short weeks you’ve got to get this book…you won’t be sorry and speaking for myself, I feel so good that I don’t plan to ever go back to my old ways of eating. Thank you Dr. Hyman!!

More on this debate, see the recent article Myth and Fact in the Gluten Debate.

What not to Wear, EVER

The point of getting dressed every day is to look your best. Sure, sure, if you are among the genetically blessed and can wear just about anything and rock it, we’re happy for you. For everyone else, choose wisely. Here are some things that look good on no one

Pleated Slacks
They will make you look heavier, shorter and out of date in an instant. Go flat-front, immediately.

Micro Mini Skirt
They are for the very long and very lean legged (and the under 25 set). The most universally flattering skirt length? To the knee or just below it.

The Color Orange
It works in pops (as in, accessories), or it works as a part of a fun, island-y print, but otherwise it’s a tricky color to splash across your body.

Acid Wash Denim
It was popular in 1986. Enough said.

Capped Sleeves
This style makes even the most well-defined arms look flabby. Better to go with ANY other sleeve length.

Wide, Horizontal Stripes
Yes, they DO make you look bigger. Best way to wear stripes? Skinny lines that are alternating dark colors (navy and green) or alternating tone on tone (beige and taupe, for example).

Heels with Shorts
This is the pairing worn by most Vegas cocktail waitresses, and it’s never a classy look. If you’re wearing shorts, either wear flats or wedges.

Overalls
Not even chic on the farm. The way to wear denim is in a dark rinse, in the pant leg shape that’s most flattering on your body.

Hair Accessories That Match Your Outfit
This is what toddlers do, and although it’s great on them, not so much on a grown up.

Boxy Jackets
Boxy jackets create a boxy silhouette. Not good. Today’s chic jacket shape is fitted and shrunken.

Flannel Night Gowns
Unless you are sick with the flu and sipping a steaming mug of tea, the flannel gown is not your friend in the bedroom.

Clothes That Are Too Tight
Tight clothes are an uncomfortable fashion disaster, and the look will ADD 10 pounds in an instant.

Nude Pantyhose
Nude hose aren’t fashionable when you’re wearing white, they’re not fashionable in the summer, they’re not even good with a wedding dress. If you want that look, go without hose. If you need coverage but want something light, wear sheer hose in a color.

Stockings With Sandals
It is a crime against sandals everywhere. They’re sandals, and they’re meant to be worn with bare feet.

Chipped Nail Polish
It takes approximately three minutes to remove nail polish. You mean to tell me you don’t have time for that??

Leggings As Pants
They’re meant to be worn under things, like dresses and long tunics, and unless you have the legs of a giraffe you really need to get on board. Even if you DO have the legs of a giraffe, they’re still not pants.

Wide Whale Corduroys
They add bulk on the place that you least need it, and they make a swooshing sound when you walk. Skip them.

Logos
Doesn’t matter if it’s a sports team or a fancy designer—wearing logos takes the style out of your look.

Muffin Top
Doesn’t look good at any age, or on any body type. If your waistband is cutting into you THAT much, it’s time to size up.

 

Cute Glasses for Mature Women

Glasses, if wearing them is inevitable, let’s make them cute-Forty plus and your eyesight is fading?  – We find as we age, and wearing glasses is an inevitable consequence, it’s possible to have fun wearing them

by Rae (who isn’t necessarily happy with the photo below but we can’t always pose)

I remember being in a classroom situation in my late 40′s not being able to read textbooks clearly which prompted my first purchase of reading glasses.  What a performance.  Trips to the optometrist, more to find the perfect frame than to source the optimum prescription. Then of course thinking they would last forever.

Two years later the prescription was no longer sufficient, necessitating yet another very expensive purchase.  And then the third pair, which could have been a down payment on a small car, with lenses I was talked into having imported from France.  Ha – then I became wise.  Lots of ‘off the stand’ purchases followed at a fraction of the price to be kept in drawers beside the computer, in the bedside cabinets and in office drawers in the event glasses were mislaid, and one lovely pair for when I was going to be seen.

What I have learnt is that it is an ongoing process.  Just as fashions change so does one’s ‘look’. If you want to look good wearing glasses here are some tips from the experts out there.

Stylists usually recommend uplifting frames for mature women in more silvery, lighter shades. I guess this is to combat gravity as eyes that lift at the end always convey a more youthful appearance. This is consistent with leaving matt foundations to younger skins and lightening hair colour as one ages.

Then there is the hairstyle to work with glasses.  After searching the net, it seems that glasses look best with haircuts with feathery edges whether the cuts are long or short. ie.

Diane Keaton

Sophia Loren

Meryll Streep

Sophia Loren obviously has developed a passion for glasses as there are many and varied photographs of her wearing them over the past 20 years.  Now she had developed a range entirely suitable for the mature woman.  Her range has some of the loveliest frames on the market. I haven’t found where they are available in NZ although there are plenty online.

Geraldine has a very striking pair of glasses with intricate arms which she is always getting comments on and you will understand why seeing the image below.  I have no idea as to the make of the frames but if you email Geraldine, she will tell you her optometrist in Auckland.

In addition, there are some truly gorgeous frames that suit mature women under the Gloria Vanderbilt and Lindberg ranges.  Here are a few examples:

Sophia Loren M222	Gloria Vanderbilt GG4021	Lindberg	Reading Glasses - Cinzia Serendipity 2 (Purple) Power 1.50 (Sere21.50)

There are so, so many more available in every price range.  If you know what you are looking for, many like the Cinzia frames are available very cheaply online but if you are anything like me you would have to try them first.  So I would suggest buying locally.

Whatever Happened to Accountability?

My recent article entitled “A Culture of Entitlement” elicited some very emotive comments which I was going to answer individually in the “comments” section, but then decided I would prefer to answer them in this way.

Firstly Laura, your situation is heartbreaking and I only wish there was something I could do to help you .  You obviously have had a wonderful marriage and I do envy you for that.  Unfortunately we are not all lucky or clever enough to meet the right man at the right time in our lives.  I’m trying not to sound patronizing but I imagine you and your husband share some wonderful memories which now get you through the hard times you have to face daily.

I would like to point out, and this was the crux of my article, that if the social welfare system wasn’t geared towards such a broad audience and one which has come to expect handouts from the State, there would be enough money in our system to protect people in your position and ensure that both you and your husband have the quality of life you both deserve.  After all, you have been taxpayers all your lives and I imagine before your husband was taken so ill, you had no idea where your local WINZ office was, let alone how to take advantage of the many benefits offered.

It’s one thing to choose your situation, as in choosing to have a child and keep it and another to find yourself in the position you and your husband have found yourselves in.

I realise that nothing I say will change your situation for the better,  however, rest assured no one could or would ever point the finger at you and suggest you are “bludging” off the State.  I would go so far as to say, take as much as you can get because you certainly need it.

By the way, it’s not easy to leave a marriage, when the other party is fit and healthy let alone when one party is debilitated.

Kay, thank you for your succinct remarks.  That’s exactly the point I was trying to make in my article.

Margie, you are absolutely right, I do have a sense of self belief and I have to thank my parents for that.  My father emigrated to New Zealand from Europe in 1919 and my mother’s parents emigrated in the late 1800’s, also from Europe.  My parents worked hard all their lives and instilled a work ethic, and sense of justice and integrity in us.  My mother believed in the value of education and she insisted that all of us have the best education she could get for us.  My brothers worked during the school holidays to pay their secondary school fees.  I was the lucky one.  The money I earned in the school holidays I got to keep, only because I was much younger than the boys.  Any success we may have achieved is thanks to the hard work and selflessness of our parents.  I don’t honestly believe this is true of many parents today.

By the way, I could have used Women’s Refuge if it had been available in the 1970’s but I didn’t want to get too personal in my article about the particular circumstances of my marriage at that time, especially as I left my marriage because I was unhappy and could see a bleak future, not for any other reason.

Yes, there was a dependable family but certainly not financial security.  I paid my way from day one.  My parents couldn’t afford to support me and I never expected them to.  They supported me emotionally which is much more important in my opinion.  Incidentally, my ex husband was very unhappy with me, to the point of refusing to support my son and/or myself in any way.  There was much, much more, but I don’t really want to air my dirty laundry in public.

If I have offended anyone with my opinion pieces, I do apologise.  There was no offence intended.  We are all accountable for our actions and as my darling 5 year old grandson said to me one day when I picked him up from school  “Grandma, what are the consequences? The teacher said I have to take the consequences, but she forgot to give them to me “  Surely, it’s not too difficult to expect us all take the consequences for our actions.